A mix of oral poetry and praise poetry
That book i 'borrowed'(I did, I really did!) from the library shows elements of praise and the oral tradition, well once poetry is spoke , it becomes oral, (not true Martin?), so this is an old praise poem, RSVed into oral. what you think? I was also trying trying out the rhyme scheme thing but I don't think I was very successful, I gave up towards the end-sorry!
HE
Is. a dream
An easy dream
Delightful on a lazy day.
Beautiful eyes. Let me lounge.
Gladly lying eternal in this sleep.
Let me.
Is. a tree
A graceful tree
Grand in a buoyant field.
Wonderful hair. Let me roll
Gladly skirmishing your fragrant mane.
Let me.
Is. an eagle
A majestic eagle
Strong gliding in a blue sky
Graceful beast. Let me fly
Gladly soaring with you, the winds.
Let me.
Is. a river
A raging river
Strong. rushing to face the sea
Splendid man, let me swim
Gladly submerged under your will.
Let me.
Is. a man
My man
Worth writing, loving, fighting, dying for
Deeply, widely, everything.
Beautiful, wonderful, graceful, splendid man. Let me be
Gladly moving to what rhythm you beat
Let me.
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Comments
He -RSV
What about this then? I think on the eagle thing, I went for the easy description but that has been changed now and I've tried to make the entity of the man totally different, though its still the same...am i making any sence?
HE
Is. a dream
An easy dream
Delightful on a lazy day.
Beautiful eyes. Let me lounge.
Gladly lying eternal in this sleep.
Let me.
Is. a tree
A graceful tree
Grand in a buoyant field.
Wonderful hair. Let me roll
Gladly skirmishing your fragrant mane.
Let me.
Is. an eagle
A wide winged eagle
Strong gliding in a pliant sky
Graceful beast. Let me fly
Gladly soaring with you, the winds.
Let me.
Is. a river
A raging river
Strong. rushing to face the sea
Splendid man, let me swim
Gladly submerged under your will.
Let me.
Is.
Worth writing, loving, fighting, dying for
Deeply, widely, everything.
Beautiful, wonderful, graceful, splendid. Let me
Gladly move to what rhythm you beat
Let me.
Ha! I like the structure of
Ha! I like the structure of this poem. Looks like you embracing abbreviation, Abi. Not got much to add to Pete & MM's wise words. This is very different to your other work. I look forward to seeing how you progress with this new (to me at least) direction.
Grand in a bouyant field
I liked this poem very much and feel it is very close..... My least favourite stanza is the Eagle stanza because the words didn't challenge my thinking enough. I was also wondering if the last stanza was entirely necessary because it isn't a surprise that 'HE' is a man - especially in the River stanza there is the line 'Splendid man'.... Just a thought though
But.... 'Grand in a bouyant field'
That line is pure magic for me! Abi - no exaggeration or flattery there in the slightest, that is one of those lines I've come across and wish I thought of it myself.
-Eileen
Oral and praise poetry
Hi Abi,
As an exercise in rhyming scheme, where you stick to the scheme, I feel its broadly succesful. The choice of metaphor brings into question how to translate old classics in the sense that all cliches (eg 'he is an eagle') must once have been startlingly brilliant ideas!
I like 'delightful on a lazy day' and, perversely,' fragrant mane ' (fragrant not something most men mght think of when considering their hair, so reveals more about the teller than the object of the tale!)
I guess praise poetry can be idealisation. And if love is submission/submersion then the last but one verse shows that.
In the last verse I like the incoherence of 'deeply widely everything'
I get the feeling, based on this poem, that you have a very good feel for metre, and maybe you should play more with it?