Redraft after workshop
Thu, 20/03/2008 - 11:52 — Anwen
Hi guys - many thanks for the great crit last night, I've had a go at tweaking, though the layout is lost in this context - just imagine alternate lines gradually convening....
If you think it's heading in the right direction (!) let me know :)
Many thanks
Ax
I must split myself in
two, like the flesh of a ripe peach
scored with a small sharp
fruit knife
then twisted to reveal
the gnarled hard heart
it’s the pits
I reach forward and fetch back
gathering my mothers towards me
stretching my line of horizons
to vanishing point
both hold me
in their own image
but I scratched the mirrors
defaced in my youth
into a something of
my own devising
manmade
but nature
grown
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Comments
Like Pete I hearken more to
Like Pete I hearken more to the 2nd and 3rd stanzas, particularly the 2nd, which shows traces of that zen poetry style, whilst maintaining a very post-modern feminist spirit. as i commented in the workshop, the fruit imagery of the 1st stanzas is not linked to the imagery of 2nd & 3rd stanzas, it really seems like another poem.
Two mums poem
I was not at the workshop so I read from fresh! Strangely perhaps I avoid the first verse and start/ dwell on the poem (in that enjoyably speculative way that is what I like most about reading poetry) on the second and the third verses up to 'my own devising'. I'm starting to come round the the view that I must be puzzled, at least a little, or encouraged to speculate on meaning, at least a little, to enjoy a poem. Thanks esp for that 'I reach forward and back' line: it did that job!