Commonword Blogs

I didn't get to the African Oral Poetry Class but did look at the work and had some attempts which i'm not entirely sure of. Maybe there is something here i could work with.
here goes!

MY FAVOURITE PIECES? FAMINE, love the humuorous treatment of a very serious situation. BLUE GREY BULLS for reasons already touched on by Martin & others and ZEBRA. lOVED THE LINE

'One on which the eye dwells all day, as on the solitary cow of a poor man'

says so much in such simple language.
ok. my pathetic attempts...

FAREWELL
You stand at your mother’s bed
You brood on words unwrapped

Its like someone switched on the light recently and I've been going over some poems and working them so i came up with this oral thoughts, so what do you think? am i a listening student or should i hot foot it out of the house?

WEEDS IN MINE HUSBAND'S STRENGHT

Mo le jo l’ori oko mi o
Mo le jo l’ori oko mi
G’oko mi gbami l’aye o
Mo le jo (2) l’ori oko mi
G’oko mi gbami l’aye
K’ori ope!

My husband’s strength is an Italian tower
Tall, proud, standing
Leaning a bit to the left
Still magnificent in every way

My husband’s strength is an oak tree

Hymn to her

Your grace shames me,
gazelle of midnight wood
in shadows carving
your name into my skin.

Your grace shames me,
tigress of golden panting dusk
on my ragged sofa sinking
teeth into my memories of sin

Your grace shames me,
waters of blue black dawn,
washing death from my eyes
with a cascade of giggles,

you slip the quilt from your shoulders
& my chest aches.

Since I won't be making any face to face contributions to 'hot house' in the near future, thought I should share a few random thoughts and complete the 'homework'...

1st of all I was crazy disappointed about missing the Love Anthology book launch. Its how I booked my airplane ticket the same morning I received the email invitation. So, I'd love to hear about how that went?!?! Well done to all U hot housers that were published. Can I get some pledges for getting a book signed?

There are three premature ATTEMPTS at praise poems of 'people' in my writing notebook - this one is the most recognisable as a poem. Sadly it is not even slightly recognisable as a poem of 'Praise'. I hope to do better with the other two.

Please offer any ideas for improving it, or just be honest... You can tell me if it belongs in the bin. My feeling is that the journey is a bit jolty or ends to abruptly - something not quite working yet.

When I loved a fish man
it was like meeting a pulse
or watching a rainbow breathe
just muscle, silver and dance.

That book i 'borrowed'(I did, I really did!) from the library shows elements of praise and the oral tradition, well once poetry is spoke , it becomes oral, (not true Martin?), so this is an old praise poem, RSVed into oral. what you think? I was also trying trying out the rhyme scheme thing but I don't think I was very successful, I gave up towards the end-sorry!

HE

Is. a dream
An easy dream
Delightful on a lazy day.
Beautiful eyes. Let me lounge.
Gladly lying eternal in this sleep.
Let me.

Is. a tree
A graceful tree
Grand in a buoyant field.
Wonderful hair. Let me roll

Held

Malo, malo, jo’wo maa lo o
Malo, malo, jo’wo maa lo e

There will be no goodbyes in these lines
There will be no goodbyes from these eyes
Just a desire to be held, close and firm
Tide passing.
Standing by the edge of the sand, seeing

He holds her, as she shatters like dust
He holds her, willing her, ‘stay contained’
He holds her, whispering tales
Of nothing meaning everything

He holds her, inviting to ride dream horses
Galloping on lavender clouds
He holds her, bidding her soul be still
Her heart must beat

He holds her, beat her heart on his hand

Another very ruff draft (from poem started in workshop)

My beloved

I chose your voice for its sweetness
& like syrup, u slither into my sleep
with your voice of tin & plastic reed.

You keep calling my name
with a warmth of fateless sunrise
with a twist of lime in tequila
with a flake of cocoa on the tongue

You keep calling with a tireless tender persistence
urging me to wrap my fingers around you
& caress your nub till your breath chokes
& you are silent

still humming
trembling
shivering
under my fingers
you are electric
& begging
me to press my lips

Ok, this is a first draft & very rough, but I guess I gotta come with some kinda praise poem...

Fela!

They don't realise
yet,
but one day, prisoners all over the world will
tell yr tale,
greater than the Signifying Monkey,
they will roll out rhapsodies
& rollicking
hip]hop ballads
to yr forked tongue
& cunning design,
he who carries death in his pocket/
who hides smoke in his shit/
who lifts millions in his underpants/
Fela!

Spliff like a log, yr head in a cloud
ancestors hang around yr shoulders
like smoke,
white agbada of aso oke.
No animal wears that skin

Not being very good at following orders, I tried a praise poem to my GF & it came out slightly wrong, more like a dark love poem, but there you go. Got another one coming tho...

Naked

Shivering,
not even removed my coat.
Goosepimples prick my arms.
Can’t look in your eyes.
Might see me.

My teeth chattering nonsense,
pull my hat down tight.
Can’t afford to lose
body heat. Precious.

Can’t take off my gloves.
Last time a woman touched me,
got frostbite.

I will not sing when I look in your eyes.
Can’t take off my scarf.
Windchill might choke me.