Thanks everyone for all your comments. Here's version 2....
Until I call your name
you speak with glass voice
make my slow sonnets fade and curl
The dry trees crackle with
unconscious blossoming
Conscious of brittle bones, of cracked teeth, sand scatters
It echoes dust
Will your grieving bed prevail?
Direct dry tongues to dying towns?
Your eager fingers grasp - and clutch
life measured with tales told, words sold
And how to calculate the weight of feathers, or of gold?
You unfurl dusty half-deserted sheets
Will your grieving bed prevail?
Call of geese and gulls, of meditation bells
It spreads through sky like locusts
Fate, eyebrow raised, smiles a sealed secret
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Comments
tongues and meanings
with Mulberry Rose. I dont fully understand the poem (eg the line break after line 3 - does that prevent the relationship of what follows that line break with the opening 'Until' ?) Slipping away from meaning and enjoying the crafting of language, I love 'direct dry tongues ot dying towns?'. The overt question marks were a little overpowering though, I wondered if the poem could be rewritten without so many of them, eg the first one coudl be a comma? (but then again its repeated almost like a chorus ...) hey i like thsi poem lots!
very powerful stuff! strong
very powerful stuff! strong imagery and texture. the part with the brittle bones and cracked teeth is strong.
'The dry trees crackle with
unconscious blossoming '- love this bit.
wonderful!
nice x
nice x