A Sample...
I found the boy sat on the metal chair without a bottom, his hands wrapped around its back, handcuffed. The room smelt awful. He was bare-chested, ribs jutting out like bicycle spokes. His cheeks were bruised. His lips shreds. His body was wet of sweat and other bodily fluids and he had been beaten so much that he could hardly open one of his eyes for swelling. There was the dish underneath the chair, the shimmering yellow liquid inside it, the faeces, the car batteries lined up and ready, the black and red wires. The Colonel stood above him holding onto the ends of the two electric wires.
There was no television set or propaganda on the walls like in the other rooms, only dried splashes of blood. Finger scrawlings. Names, dates, comments; Maxwell – 25.05.1982.
‘Have you ever seen what electricity does to a man David?’ the Colonel said.
I shivered. This is what it had come to. I was going to electrocute this little boy and he was going to deep-fry out here in the dense and distant bush. A historian or peacekeeper would later retrieve his crushed skeleton from an obscure mineshaft and the world would collect his and other skulls and stack them on top of each other like trophies behind glass cases in museums. Little school children would walk around the museum in awe learning about the terrible things humans did to each other in the name of war. None of them would ever know who this little boy was; I didn’t know what his story was and yet here I was dipping my felt tip pen into a pot of ink to embark on its epilogue.
What if all of this should pass and I went on to live a normal life and got married and had a son and he went to that museum and the boys skull was there, my portrait atop it, beneath a sign that read: THIS IS THE MAN WHO KILLED HIM.
‘The Opposition!’ the colonel shouted at the boy ‘When did you join the Opposition?’
The colonel brought the two wires he was holding to the boy’s body and the boy’s chest shot out into the air as if some unseen force was trying to rip him free from the seat. The boy’s eyes sprung open. He let out such a cry that a volt of compassion surged through my body and made me shake. The colonel kept on doing this until the force finally let go of the boy and walked away, leaving me to watch as loose stool dripped into the dish below.
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Comments
The Fourth Chapter
Yvonne Mc Calla
raw real brave almost dreaded reading the next line to the inevitable end...uncompromising look in the eye of torturer. had a bit of difficulty seperating the obsever and the 'colonel'. at first wasn't sure wether they were one and the same.
Hello!
It actually gets worse later on! Sometimes I look at the book I've written and wonder if I really want my kids reading this...
Anyway, hows your book going? The two little girls....?
the torture extract
Its always tought to choose an extract, and a little scary to submit it to the public gaze without any 'contexting' comments from yourself. The piece you have posted conveys the terror of the situation graphically. Particularly I think it is strengthened by the 'I' voice and the showing of the 'I' voice's feelings and thoughts as the torture happens. It would have been less effective and more prurient (?) if that 'I' voice had not been there and it was merely a description. The reflection is interesting (the I imagining hisory's verdict later). Hard to gauge form an extract if this reflection takes place at the right moment in the narrative. -pete
Oh Oh...
Ah, see Pete, we're back were we started; semantics.
By saying 'I'm not sure if...' Is what you're really saying this - 'If I were editing this extract & I was in a good mood I would encircle it & let you erase it. Otherwise I would immediately delete it. Erase it. Poof! Make it as if it never happened, Ha ha! [Evil laugh]'
As I reread my rewrite, I remembered something you happened to mention at an identity or novelists meeting, cant remember; you & Martin looking over someone's work & discussing whether certain character thoughts were right were they had been put by the author or whether they just didn't belong...
Gave me nightmares for weeks that revelation, deliberate or inadvertent. I threw away the afro-comb I'd used to comb the rewrite & bought a finer one. Obviously, I need to chuck that one too!
responding to extracts from novels
Umm, an amusing response Gift, and perhaps you are too harsh on yourself and assume to much diplomacy on my part. I like to maintain uncertainty of opinion sometimes, its less arrogant and more wise. Extracts from novels are like 10 second sound bursts from symphonies. You have to try to imagine the before and after in order to intelligently engage with the given extract. Here, the question would be: how has the character's thought processes been presented prior to this extract? If there is a consistency or precursors to the thought pattern of the extract then it will have plausibility - it will be convincing and read well. Without knowing that, to some degree we speculate, and judgement would be rash! So, to be personal, there is no knowing whether I, with my copy-editor hat on, would propose to delete, shorten, amend or extend bits until I am in the thick of the editing. I have read the whole novel as you know. But not with that copy-editor's hat on. In sum, as it stands, the extract reads well.