'Girl With Gun'
Mon, 14/06/2010 - 22:29 — Pete Kalu
See I got above the Grade Point Average but they wasn’t hiring
And Martha didn’t get it & Dolores didn’t get it
So we filled in the Panther form, paid the subs and look at this!
Mama don’t like the chain belt around my waist
But I like it, it’s a reminder where we been from
Where, without this, we could return to
And I got no problem looking right at you, I could be looking
At any old flea chasing mongrel. I still got my nails, still wearing
My Maybelline, still got a sweet ring from Emory on my finger
And this hair was picked to perfection this morning:
I’m gonna die, I’ll be the prettiest looking corpse -
So go ahead, white boy, take my picture.
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Comments
thanks
thanks for all the comments - most thoughtful, I am not happy yet with this poem and your insights will be useful when I come to rewrite it... -Pete
different attracts
Only just had a chance to visit the blog ! Like this
ditto to Belinda
This is why I love your poetry and writing in general.
However :
'I could be looking' sitting at the end looks unnatural and contrived in the poetic form. As a prose piece it would work well but at the moment it is less poetic in terms of structure and because you have restricted it in tight verses
like the use of Maybelline
can connect with this piece well
just needs re-structuring
This is a very
street wise piece. It reminds me of something out of 'Jackie Brown' where the actress Pam Grier is driving her car at the end and she's leaving town and saying to herself 'You did it girlfriend!!'.
I like it alot and especially the street talk cos it's something different to what I write about or can write :)
Good stuff
Belinda
Lamentation
Hi Pete -
had to take my time with this piece - there is a lamentable lilt to it that i appreciate
I try each time I read to attempt to inhabit the core, and cannot, but try i will continue to do
It feels to me like a testament of being - a place i know of, though have never enjoyed anything more than the snapshot you present :-)
and thanks for the comment on 'Legs' - twas a play on words and Chocolate fireguard was deliberately easy ;-)
steve g
an awkward poem
Thanks for the comment Steve. I think it might be a difficult poem to comment on. Partly perhaps it is less sculpted / poetic than it needs to be, partly it is a narrative from pov of a Black Panther recruit and based on a photo, partly the use of a vernacular. It may also be an early 'work in progress' to use the euphemism! -Pete