Iraq Poem 1
Mon, 16/03/2009 - 16:03 — Pete Kalu
Shadows
Your mother, is she proud,
That her son can charge through my
Living room, making my children wet themselves?
They watch you, nails digging into my flesh
You didn’t bring kerosene, nan, or pani.
Only the dust that swirls off your boots.
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Comments
I cannot get too much of
I cannot get too much of anybody expressing the senselessness of war. Every bit of that does us all no end of a favour! There are things I can see which a more seasoned critic would wax lyrical on. Thankfully it's not a skill I'll care to develop. Just, thanks for it. The mother alas may be too numbed by what's drilled into us from birth to think clearly of any of this. As I say again, cheers
Hello, I got alot from this
Hello,
I got alot from this piece. I think that there is alot going on in this poem. I definately got a picture of a tale of heartache, from both a women's and man's perspective.
It deals with anger, and deeply buried feelings about how the effects of war and the aftermath, on the family.
For example, I really liked the lines 'They watch you, nails digging into my flesh'. This is powerful imagery.
Thank you, and thank you for commenting on my poem too.
Like this piece, how can we
Like this piece, how can we fight terrism with terrism??!! As you know my brother died in Iraq, and we were proud that he was able to push himself to the limit to be in the most elite regiment of the Army, and not out thuging it or wasting his life on the dole! He was doing what he thought was great, represtenting what he thought was a great country and trying to make himself a future! Some of these lads are utter idiot's and bullies! And do not care about the effects there actions are having! It is very contraversial, my favourite! One Love x
Iraq Poem 1
Understated power is the way I would personally sum this piece up, Pete. You've obviously given a very pwerful voice to the victim of this scenario which I like, because it seems very truthful and not purely motivated by political spin as is so often the case these days in the media.
I really like this!
Nadeem
feedback
Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment, Nadeem, -Pete
Just a thought
As the poem is an implied rhetorical question though it actually has an unheard/known reply, maybe:
-------------------------------------------------------------------
To an unknown woman
Is she proud that her son can charge
through my living room, making my children
wet themselves?
They watch you, nails digging into my flesh.
You didn’t bring kerosene, khubz, or mayya.
Instead you brought dust, that swirls
from your boots
--------------------------------------------------------------------
khubz word i know for bread, from two long weeks in tunis with nothing to do
water also i think spelt mayia – no idea how it pronounced
mayya and mayia pronounced
mayya and mayia pronounced the same and i do like your reconstruction of it Martin
mayya
thanks for the research martin and the suggestions inc the new layout and orientation. It's certainly given me something to think about. I think I would add a full stop after dust so 'dust. It swirls / etc' Why? Cos I dont like the prominence of 'that' on the line - it steals emergy form the other words, nuh?! -pete
that
see what you mean - noticed recently (because it was pointed out to me!) for some reason i have a blind spot for 'that', maybe cos i usually pronounce un/light-stressed. kind of a filler syllable. kinda.
love this Pete Just
love this Pete
Just wondering - pani as it is an Urdu word - is it the same in arabic for water ( I guess it may be)
Agree that some change in form as SG says would have more impact
on the whole I like the voice, questioning , images and use of language
pani
thanks for your comments, Nabila, they are very helpful. Pani as you know is Urdu for water. I just liked it there. I could find the arabic, -maybe I should. My other thought says the world shrinks andwhere did this woman originate, could her first language be urdu? BUt perhaps this is just laziness on my part!
PS when in Pakistan I learnt the word pani very quickly!
Well the subject is not
Well the subject is not Pakistani I assume..........
anyway the word for water in Arabic is mayya (although this is Egyptian Arabic as that is the arabic I know) but do check if decide to use x
spaces etc
Hi Pete - i like the immediacy of this poem and the images are vivid and direct - curious if the reconfiguration of the lines would lend to the impact if of the page reading of this poem on the reader - eg -
Shadows
Your mother, is she proud,
That her son can
Charge through my
Living room, making my
Children wet themselves?
They watch you -
Nails digging into my
Flesh - you didn’t bring
Kerosene, nan, or pani.
Only the dust that
Swirls off your boots.
I like the title Pete - how did you choose it?
lines and directness
thanks for your comments, Steve, much appreciated. The diretness is thanks to Nadeem and Martin - the poem was much more blurred before their comments at a workshop. I prefer your line breaks to mine. I think I lost energy to keep editing and just posted it without mulling the breaks, so thanks for that. The title was just intuitive!
gallery poem
first poem aftet the Iraqq exhibition at ArLand Gallery, Manchester -Pete