Oral poetry
I didn't get to the African Oral Poetry Class but did look at the work and had some attempts which i'm not entirely sure of. Maybe there is something here i could work with.
here goes!
MY FAVOURITE PIECES? FAMINE, love the humuorous treatment of a very serious situation. BLUE GREY BULLS for reasons already touched on by Martin & others and ZEBRA. lOVED THE LINE
'One on which the eye dwells all day, as on the solitary cow of a poor man'
says so much in such simple language.
ok. my pathetic attempts...
FAREWELL
You stand at your mother’s bed
You brood on words unwrapped
numb with loss your countenance
You are redundant of joy
REMBERANCE
ancestors
under bowed heads accept
the unacceptable
you misconstrue meekness
I am just a realist
they are survivors
sequins of hope
still sparkle
at the skirt of this cloud
INFECTIOUS
I Remember laughter
spilling over your threshold
I remember it licking
the lips of dawn
I remember golden nectare
undulating pools on paving stones
cleaving to passers by
warmly sweetening the day
I remember your laughter
could I forget?
how could I forget?
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Comments
Oral poems
Hi Yvonne, 'saying so much in simple language' is a great aproach, though not the only one of course! Some feedback from me:
Farewell:
Great opening two lines.
While 'redundant of joy' had some power, i was less convinced by the inversion of 'numb with loss your countenance' - not so natural a phrase i felt.
Remembrance
Not sure about this poem. The ending had a strong emotional charge - 'sequins of hope...' Generally, the poem felt more like the conclusion to a piece of prose. Maybe my fiction writing head interfering again.
Infectious
'licking the lips of dawn' was a scrumptious line; 'golden nectar' I am wary of - sounded arch. 'Sweetening the day' was inventive, though I didn;t think it needed 'warmly'. Not sure about 'cleave': the word has two meanings - one meaning the direct contradiction of the other.
All in all the poems felt teasingly interesting first drafts!
PS congratulations on your recent poetry competition success!
Fanks for you comments
Fanks for you comments Pete,
In Farewell the line ' numb with loss your countenance' was supposed to be kind of back to front. Much of the African Oral poetry seemed to be writtenn in a very formal tradition. That was my attempt.
I deliberately used the word cleave for the meaning below, because of honey properties. e.g. sticky.etc..
to adhere closely; stick; cling (usually fol. by to).
But I do agree with the comments about 'golden nectar',
I'll just have to be more inventive!!
peace x
Yvonne
Oral delight
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!!! I did not like any of the poems less, Word.
ORAL DELIGHT
Ahhhh! Abi
thanks so much. You can review my stuff anytime, girl.